|[Ben]:||I should have been a spy. ||Discuss This [0 comments so far] View Comments|
|I really, really should have been a spy. Not a pansy one like the folks who habitually steal little things like nuclear secrets and such. I should have been one of those James Bond, Jack Bauer, Max Smart type of super-agents.|
Just think about it - in the movies, when someone decides to look up some information on one of the protagonist super-agents they run it through the computer and the file is always classified or strangely missing. Well, that's the way I am already. Now I just need to learn to do all the other neat things.
Back when I decided to get my motorcycle endorsement, I first noticed that something was amiss. I took the ABATE class, applied for my permit and finally went in and asked for my license to be amended.
"I'm sorry, Mr. Swenson, you're not in our system. You have to go get proof that you exist."
I had to go to the Social Security department and have them issue a letter saying that I was who I claimed to be before the Danville BMV would amend my license. That's right, I had a valid license but I wasn't in their system.
When I first moved into my apartment, everyone wanted a security deposit - the gas company, the apartment people, the nice lady at the power cooperative told me I didn't have to give a security deposit because she said it wasn't my fault I hadn't built up a whole lot of credit yet ... but she did mention that she couldn't get a report from the credit agency with my information. Not a big deal, I thought, I'm just starting out, I don't have a lot of credit history.
I don't have any credit cards. For a long time, I didn't have one because I didn't want the debt. Then I didn't have one because I was lazy, and my debit card works wherever I would need a credit card. More recently, I haven't gotten a credit card because I've been actively denied every single time I've tried to apply. That's bizarre ... I pay my bills on time, I've never bounced a check, I don't have any existing debt ... why would I be denied for every single card I try to apply for?
Yesterday, I took the most recent denial letter and went to get my free credit report. It said to go online and select that option. Okay, I can find my way around a website. Click. Click. Click. Tappitytappitytappity.
"I'm sorry, your record cannot be accessed via the internet. Please call 1-800 ...."
I picked up the phone and called. I gave them all the information I had given online and waited.
"I'm sorry, your record cannot be accessed via phone. Please apply for your credit report by mail."
I printed off the sheets and decided to fill them out later. Cara and I had to drop by the bank to get her name changed on my account and I decided to ask the bank financial advisor (who looks curiously like Mal from Firefly) if he could help me. He didn't seem to think that there was a big deal and decided to look me up online. While looking my record up, the computer froze solid, so we walked over to another desk and again he tried. As soon as he tried to get my credit report through whatever account they have with TransUnion, once again the computer froze up.
"Huh. I've never seen anything like this, before."
So now I wait. He said he'd call me back when he knew more, but I'm not sure what more he can do.
Like I said, I should've been a spy - I already don't officially exist.
I should have been a spy.